A Mental Disorder Is Not An Identity
- diaryofafloppingfi
- Jan 13, 2024
- 5 min read
Life is full of ups and downs for everyone. It is not always sunshine and rainbows, but not everyone will be diagnosed with a mental illness.
I talk about trauma a lot, and especially how it pertains to PTSD, but not all people who experience trauma will develop PTSD or a trauma-related mental illness. Not all people who might have a reason to be depressed are depressed, and not everyone who had a bad childhood will become a maladjusted adult. Much of why some develop a mental illness, and some don’t, comes down to whether they had a support system and whether they had good coping skills. We all know that many of us did not win the lottery in either of those areas, and it was not our choice not to have either of those things. Still, only 6 out of 100 people will develop PTSD (NIH Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
There are five different types of PTSD, and most of them can be traced back to a single event. The outlier, of course, is Complex-PTSD which occurs over a long period of time, and from multiple traumatic events. Many people who suffer from PTSD or a related disorder talk about getting back to who they were before the trauma. They remember living a life without the symptoms of the disorder, and what they used to enjoy doing with their spare time. On the other hand, those who suffer from Complex- PTSD have likely suffered since childhood, and for us there is no getting back to who we were before the trauma because our personalities developed the way they did due to trauma (www.complextrauma.org). It is because of this long-term exposure that I feel my identity and symptoms of my disorder are intertwined, but still the disorder is not our identity.
Developing Identities
Part of developing our personalities is choosing an identity, and we do this more subconsciously than on purpose. The simplest way to think of an identity is relating it to a traditional high school experience where everyone splits off into different groups that are typical sets of patterns, beliefs, and habits. I’m referring to the stereotypical jocks, goths, theatre kids, art kids, etc. and most teenagers spend their high school years trying to find an identity that they fit into that will also accept them. Identity is more than gender and sexual orientation; it dictates how we relate to the world, our values, habits. When our reality is shifted by events, such as being diagnosed with a mental illness, that can cause a big shift in our identity which in turn effects confidence and self-esteem.
Identity and Mental Illness
Perhaps it is also a situation where one must focus more on the things they can do, rather than their limitations. People who are missing an arm likely do not identify themselves as someone missing an arm. Instead, they may choose to identify with a hobby they enjoy, their role in the family, their profession, or all these things. There is a danger that if a person lets their mental illness define who they are, how they feel about themselves, and how they relate to the world they might become depressed and feel hopeless (Lysaker, 2010). There are many mental disorders that do not have a cure and can only be treated with medication and therapy. It is a depressing idea that not only have we been diagnosed with a mental illness that is sometimes debilitating and often disruptive to our lives, but we are also told that will have to treat it for the rest of our lives and will never be “normal.” Well, the reality of that statement shifts with each mental disorder, but in the sphere of CPTSD I think that is a bunch of hogwash.
A Mental Disorder Does Not Define A Person
We did not get to choose if we have a mental disorder or not, but we have complete control over our identity. If someone wants to tell themselves that they are the way they are because of something they can’t control, they’ll never be better, and there is no hope then that is what they will get out of it. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy, but also part of our identity is finding purpose and meaning. That purpose and meaning is what motivates us to be better, get up in the morning and spread our wings. If I only defined myself as a trauma survivor, and CPTSD sufferer I don’t believe that this website would exist because that identity has no hope. I am not just a survivor, but I’m a writer, a musician, an artist, a girlfriend, a sister, an aunt. There is a lot about the symptoms of my disorder that suck, but I am not my disorder. CPTSD is just something that is in my way, and every day I chip at it a little bit more because I will not let it control me and dictate the course of my life.
A Mental Disorder Does Not Control A Person
Whatevershortcomings a person may have shouldn’t define and control them. We cannot allow our illness to make excuses for us to not try to improve our lives, but if that is what someone wants to do then they can’t be surprised when those closest to them don’t want to enable that behavior. Being a shut in, or agoraphobe, is not an excuse to never leave the house; it is a circumstance that can be overcome, albeit slowly. Having flashbacks is not an excuse to avoid all the situations that cause flashbacks, the urge to be avoidant does not give someone license to avoid important things. We cannot treat our loved ones terribly and then expect it to be all good because we were ‘dysregulated.’ The world does not operate on excuses, and no one’s life will improve with enabling behavior.
Perhaps we may always have the disorder we’ve been diagnosed with to some degree, but life can improve, and we can become happier and better adjusted. At the beginning it may seem that the way up is too far, and we can’t recover, but every day we must put one foot in front of the other and make small changes. We keep working on ourselves, what we want to change, and our goals a little bit at a time and before we know it, six months will go by, and we’ll realize that we feel miles better than we did before. We can be who we want to be, and our mental illnesses do not form our self-identity and they do not decide the quality of life we have.
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The Diary Of A Flopping Fish and any posts or articles published on Diaryofafloppingfish.com are not reviewed by a therapist or medical or mental health professional. Resources are cited and opinion is opinion. No advice or opinions in any articles replace professional advice from a doctor, therapist, or any other kind of health professional. The author is not a licensed professional of any kind.
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