DIARY OF A FLOPPING FISH

CPTSD, boundaries, and breaking free from control.

Today I want to talk specifically about SSRI’s and the dangers that are only recently coming into the spotlight. There were 42 million Americans taking antidepressants in 2020, and it has become entirely normal for people to take antidepressants. However, SSRI’s are often prescribed for moderate depression that doesn’t meet criteria for Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and for long term use of which many studies do not cover.

College is a pivotal time in our lives where we learn skills and develop talents that will impact the rest of our lives. It is also well known that college is hard, and for many it is a test of our fortitude to push through in difficult times. Attending college with a disability or mental illness can be hard, but with the right support, accommodations, and adjustments it can be done.

The truth is that the people who are doing bad things are very good at it. We can’t be too hard on ourselves for “falling for it” because, frankly, they lied to us, and we didn’t find out until we were trapped. We get trapped emotionally, financially, and sometimes even physically. Statistics show that most victims of domestic violence end up going back to their abuser.

What has become apparent to me while doing this research is that PTSD on its own is not what causes any of these conditions, but much of it is ruled by our everyday decisions to either show up for ourselves and take care of our bodies, or not.

Unfortunately, the more I read, the more I realize that our traditional American diets are very much the problem with our health. The assembly line of processed foods made food cheap but dying easier.

I wake up every morning around 5:30 AM to a chorus of all my life’s worst moments and my inner voice being a complete $#@%. This morning anxiety takes hours to snap myself out of which destroys large chunks of time that was supposed to be for chores or work.

Part of the reason why recovery is so hard is because it requires us to completely rewire ourselves, change all our habits, overcome things that we didn’t even know were a trauma response.

While the reasons may vary, the damage caused by emotional manipulation may last longer than the abuse.